I wish I knew.
I wish I knew who you were.
I wish I knew when you would come, when we find each other.
Will we meet in a coffee shop, where we bond over the simplicity of black coffee?
Will you sit next to me one day at the dog beach and strike up a conversation?
Will I accidentally run into you on the street and be mesmerized by your baby blue eyes?
Will I meet you at a friend’s wedding, where you rescue me from dancing with her grandpa for the hundredth time?
Will I notice you and more importantly, will you notice me?
I wish I knew.
“When you are your own best friend, you don’t endlessly seek out relationships, friendships, and validation from the wrong sources because you realize that the only approval and validation you need is your own.”
Honestly, I struggle quite a bit with the idea of being a single woman. I’ve never been in a relationship, never had a boyfriend, and my dating track record is not the best. Actually, as my best friend Brooke puts it, I tend to be interested in “douche bags” and “jack-asses” and fraternity “boys.” This past year has been a pretty rough one when it comes to boys, and thus, I have found myself broken-hearted and unsure of if love is even worth it.
Lately, I’ve taken a good look at why being a single woman is so difficult for me. What it really comes down to is the belief that I am unlovable or inherently unworthy in some way. I have connected my failure in the dating world to being a failure as a person. In reality, those two things have nothing to do with each other. Seeking validation through boys and the external world has only distracted me from finding validation from the person that matters most- myself.
I believe it is so truly important and vital for us to love ourselves. I know this may sound cliché, but the ability to cultivate self-love and self-validation is essential to a happy life. If we are constantly trying to live for others, we will never experience fulfillment.
Just some musings on this idea. I shall keep you posted on how things are going.
Lately, I’ve been questioning the importance of love.
Is it really worth opening up my heart when it only seems to result in hurt and doubt?
Yes, the butterflies, the laughs, the memories and adventures are wonderful- but afterwards all I feel, all I can connect with, is sadness and hurt.
It hasn’t been many days since my most recent heartbreak, which led me to the very question, “is love worth it?”
Despite all of my hurt and pain, I quite quickly found the answer to be yes.
I realized that for me, loving isn’t about the end result- it isn’t necessarily about finding my Prince Charming.
Loving and putting my heart out there is about living- it’s about my soul growing, experiencing and learning.
Thus, I have to come to the conclusion that although perhaps I need a hiatus from the dating world for a period of time, loving is worth it.
I know my future holds many more opportunities for love, and regardless of the pain and heartbreak I’ve experienced, I plan on being open to it when it drops on by.